Pants 0. Shit 1.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
