oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
