WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
