Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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