Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
