i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
