I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
