After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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