There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
