remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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