bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
