All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
