Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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