I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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