Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
