she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
