I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
