It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
