you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
