I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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