You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
