I'm sorry my penis didn't work
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
