The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
