my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
