i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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