Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
