This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
