y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Randomize
