Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
