So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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