Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
