swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
