If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
