I can't watch pbs sober anymore
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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