Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
