A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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