Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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