you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
