Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
