At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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