Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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