I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
