I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
