There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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