M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Randomize
