I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
