like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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