I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Oh god it's open bar.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
