I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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