i will never coherently bang her
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
