i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
