I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Let's paint friendship bongs
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
