I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
