This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
why is half of my head shaved?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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