Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
