so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
